Break Ups are fucking shitty, everyone knows that. They’re awkward, sad and soul destroying. They just plain’ suck. But when you haven’t had one in a while, you can forget some of the weird moments you face in that post-break up state.
As a newly single gal myself, I thought I’d shed light on the situation & remind everyone of the horror of break ups and those post-break up feelings that don’t get discussed much. This is written with my years of experience of being both a dumper and dumpee, and will look into all those feelings that come with it. I’ll try and make this post funny as opposed to tragic… Because break ups aren’t all crying into tubs of Ben & Jerry’s (although that does come into it).
1. Extreme highs and lows
My post-break up mood has been that of a pregnant lady or 14 year old girl: my emotions have been all over the place. I have had days of feeling great about life, and next thing I know silent tears are dribbling down my face as I watch Brooklyn nine-nine. It’s one of the least emotional shows on Netflix, come on brain. But it’s the classic situation where anything can remind you of your ex. Which is hardly surprising going from spending a lot of time with someone for however many years, to none at all.
I truly forgot the extremity to the highs and lows; of feeling absolutely fine sometimes to being stuck in bed feeling miserable at others. But a day in bed can just be what you need sometimes. And that’s fine.
2. Being a Snappy Ass Bitch
For the first few days after my recent break up, I was in a weird state of being either completely silent or snappy as hell. I think this was partly from the break up not yet hitting me, and partly to do with my emotions running havoc. There was a lot of anger too that I felt towards friends for some reason. Being told that it’s ‘for the best’ just pissed me off rather than comforting me.
Now that I’m feeling a little more stable, I know that these were meant as comforting words as opposed to unwanted mean opinions on the relationship. But emotions are bound to be a little bit all over the place. I didn’t outburst to anyone, so I guess it’s alright really.
3. Being a Dumper/Dumpee
I have been a dumper and a dumpee, and both are equally shit. Unless you’re completely blind sighted by the break up I guess, in. which case I imagine it would be significantly worse to be the dumpee in that situation. Around 4 years ago I was dumped by a lad who wanted to free up some time to play more Pokemon Go. I’m not joking, I really wish I was. And the worst bit was: I was devastated. Looking back, we didn’t have things in common, our political views didn’t align (always a red flag) and he never texted back. But I was still pretty broken up about it, and felt very lonely and kind of abandoned.
In my experience, the power dynamic feels different when you’ve been dumped by a significant other or even ghosted by a date (that shit stings too). You’re kind of helpless in that situation; your ego has been crushed and there’s not much you can do about it. This is coming from a big ol’ people pleaser, so it’s especially uncomfortable for me.
Breaking up with someone isn’t necessarily better though. On top of the usual feelings of sadness and missing your ex, you can also be overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and indecisiveness, which makes it difficult to move on.
4. Lack of Concentration
One thing I struggled with a lot in the days after the break up was my concentration levels. I could not write anything, and what I did do was utter trash. I had loads of ideas for articles but I couldn’t manage to read, write or even edit anything. I did manage to watch an entire season of Brooklyn nine nine in a day though, which some would say is impressive? And requires at least some concentration, right?
Anything that required more brains power than that, however, I struggled with a lot. Luckily, a week on and I was feeling a lot better, and able to be productive once again. Staring at the walls got boring pretty quick, who knew?!
5. Becoming intensely clingy
Lucky for me this one also died out pretty quick, but there was a point post-break up where I was desperate for human contact 24/7. ‘Why haven’t my friends texted me back’ I whined to myself 15 seconds after sending a message to the gals chat.
It’s great to have friends who will check up on you; FaceTime you; and invite you out for a coffee. In fact, friendships are what got me through all of my break ups. I do really value my pals who are the greatest break up cure you could ask for.
At the end of the day, break ups can bring out all sides of you: emotions you haven’t felt in a long time, to the odd crazy outburst or regrettable decision (we’ve all been there). Just remember, sadness is temporary and there’s nothing wrong with a day of watching Netflix and eating Pringles in bed.
Thanks for reading 🙂