Why being a sexually active hextrosexual not-ready-for-kids-yet woman sucks asssss (ironically)

Hello dears,

So last Friday I had a needle shoved in my arm by some woman… I lost feeling in my arm, nearly passed out… all that good stuff…

Of course I am talking about getting the implant, not injecting myself with drugs (although I’m not sure which is worse tbf, apparently heroin makes you feel great while having hormones shoved inside you make you feel shit, go a bit psycho, bleed uncontrollably, just generally fuck up your body really).

So in case you haven’t guessed it, this is a fun ranty little post about contraception.

It all started one day when I woke up and thought fuck taking the pill, there’s only so many times I can miss a pill and not get pregnant…I need something that’s more reliable than my memory to swallow a tablet every day at 10am.

A friend of mine had had the implant and raved about it for the full 3 years, painting fairytales of ‘no periods’ and ‘it didn’t even hurt’.

Being the impulsive person that I am, I decided on that day to book an appointment, and 2 weeks later I was having the lovely tube thing shoved in my arm and life was sweet… or was it?

absolutely not

The trouble with taking hormones is, of course, the fact that it’s hormones… so at the age of 22, I feel as if I have reverted back to age 14, all I want to do is start fights with my mum and cry about boys… which tbh is not really me anymore… I’ve come to realise in recent years that my mum is actually quite nice.

And in addition to this, I’m trying to look my best for my upcoming graduation, but I have read about 20 horror stories about people putting on 3+ stone from the implant. So that’s fantastic.

We all know that if this was the other way round and men were the ones expected to put hormones in their body, these issues would be something of the past… the man has a small injection in his side which stops the flow of sperm immediately and works for 5 years. You know the kind of thing.

But no, we’re the ones having to take the bloody contraception while the men in our lives ask “why are you always so moody?” or telling his mates, “she’s psycho” or even “I cannot believe you ate 3 packets of bourbons by yourself!” (the last one isn’t even insulting tbh).

Of course I am less than a week into having this lovely implant, and the doctors do say that things should even themselves out over time but for the time being, I am going to go text my ex and probably shout at my mum for pausing love island again.

 

Please let me know if anyone else faces similar issues from contraception! It’s honestly exhausting stuff.

And thank you loooots for reading this rambly rant.

xoxoxoxo

 

(and here’s part 2 written 3 months down the line!)


2 thoughts on “Why being a sexually active hextrosexual not-ready-for-kids-yet woman sucks asssss (ironically)

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